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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Short original Singapore political jokes

Harry Jokes

1. In Johor Baru, Malaysians were asking one another this riddle:

"How did Lee Kuan Yew die?"

Answer: "He choked to death while trying to eat his own words."

2. Ho Ching was reading a nursery story to her children when she came across a word she didn't know. So she turned to her husband Deputy Prime Minister Brigadier General Lee Hsien Loong, "Honey, what's 'general-lie-zei-shun' mean?" Her husband replied: "It's when you get promoted from Cadet to General in an unbelievably short time."

3. On Ho Ching's shining future : "Marriedtocracy".

4. On Einstein's Theory of Relativity:
LKY's brother was a Director of HPL who helped him and Lee Hsien Loong buy expensive properties at 'special discounts'; his wife's brother was Permanent Secretary of Health; his two sons are Brigadier Generals -- Lee Hsien Loong is First Deputy Prime Minister; Lee Hsien Yang is CEO of Singapore Telecom; his sister was a Director of Singapore Tourist Promotion Board; Ho Ching is CEO of Singapore Technologies and future MP and Minister; and all these are only occasionally briefly mentioned in the press -- when you factor in the rest of the in-laws, cousins, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces, it doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that 'relativity' is a major ruling principle of the Singapore universe...

On How Einstein's Theory can be applied in ST and TCS: Truth is relative. It can be stretched by Space and Time.

Goh Jokes

1. When Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong visited China recently, he was granted a one-hour audience with Jiang Zemin and a three-hour interview on State Radio. Disappointed at not being on State TV instead, he asked Jiang earnestly, "Will my Radio Interview be broadcast to all 1.3 billion Chinese?" "No," said Jiang, "but it will reach all the 10 billion pigs in the country." "How come?" asked the flabbergasted Goh. "Oh," replied Jiang, "Our scientists have discovered that pigs grow faster if the radio in their pig-pens are on 24 hours a day."

2. When God gave Goh Chok Tong two ears, he knew that Goh will have to use one ear exclusively to listen to Senior Minister Lee Kuan Yew; and the other for Deputy Prime Minister Brigadier-General Lee Hsien Loong.

3. Contrary to rumours, a "Goh Chok Tong Sandwich" is not a Lee Kuan Yew on top and a Lee Hsien Loong below, with a "Goh" in the middle. It is a Lee Kuan Yew on top, a Lee Hsien Loong below, with nothing in the middle.

4. Goh Chok Tong was very happy to hear that he would be given a top-of-the-line Volvo. "Thank you, thank you," he gushed. "I know Volvos are designed to be very safe. Is it the latest model?" "Oh, yes," replied the Volvo Manager, "it's actually a prototype. We've run out of Crash Dummies."

5. When Goh Chok Tong says, "I've Half a Mind to "do something," he really means that's all he has.

6. Goh Chok Tong was scheduled to visit a Retarded Children's School. Since foreign dignitaries would be there, he wanted to impress them. So he told his Secretary to call the Principal of the School to line all the children up for his visit and have one of them say, "There is but one God and he passes by." So his Secretary duly called the Principal and he arranged for his brightest boy, with an IQ of 70, to say the words, which he carefully took down over the phone. The appointed day arrived, the foreign dignitaries were present and Goh walked grandly past the children to the rostrum when the boy solemnly said, "There but for the grace of God go I."

7. The Law Society of Singapore is thinking of building a statue of Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong. They're thinking of calling it "The Statue of Limitations".

8. Goh Chok Tong ran excitedly into the room. "Hey, I've won the case. I've won big! Rajendra gave me $X,000 and 60% of my legal costs!"

His lawyer friend looked at him and pointed out, "One, $X,000 is nothing compared to your salary. Two, it is only one-tenth of what you asked for. Three, Rajendra makes you pay 40% of your own costs. Four, $X,000 is peanuts as a value of your reputation as a world figure and the Prime Minister of the country. Five, everyone knows that Rajendra has to temper justice with self interest and therefore $X,000 is about as low as he could possibly go. Six, if you got only $X,000 and 60% of your costs, what do you think the rest will get?Probably only a few thousand or so. Not even enough for one of our elaborate dinners at a decent restaurant. Seven, if we had not abolished the Privy Council in England as the final court of appeal, you'd lose any appeal Jeyaretnam mounts. So you see? $X,000 is actually the derisory $1 that George Carman said you deserve. So tell me - what did you actually win?!"


Quote for the Day:

When your enemies tell lies about you, the best reply is to tell the truth about them.